Friday December 19th 2014

Being Awesome

I seem to do well for myself. Though I do accept that perhaps I don’t test myself, what life has handed me isn’t that bad. I enjoy my job, the friends I have, the stuff I do. I don’t feel like I struggle to take care of bills, rather I struggle to find interesting things to spend my money on.

However, this greatness I have taken from life is very precarious. I avoid taking on regular bills. I don’t own a smartphone, just a pay-for cell phone. I don’t own a car. I don’t own a house. I quit smoking cigarettes. I reduced my drinking. I smoke pot less often.

I saw my life somewhat change after I was put on suspension at work and then attempted to go through drug therapy. While going through it, the encouragement to take bold steps and fundamentally change how your life is created is strong. Once away from therapy, old relationships become important again. Ways of interacting with others through drug or alcohol use seem more interesting and fulfilling as that is the company I prefer that has come into my life.

However, what I did take from my therapy experience is a desire to live life more. While I was already doing so since I had shifted my life in 2005, I added just enough alteration leading me back towards enjoying theater, comedy shows, acting and performance arts in general. New friends gained that are also in search of something more interesting than what they are currently surrounded by has mixed this enjoyment with my love of the outdoors. My new friends want to not just go to a show with me, but also camping, canoeing, walks and so on.

While they may not share my thoughts on anarchy nor play games, as has been my typical fallback interests, I am pleased that my life has produced friends whenever I felt in need to change the mix of things. This would not be the first time that I’ve added associations when older relationships are waning in one way or another.

I think one of the reasons things go well for me is because I attempt to find enjoyment in what others dread. Having a positive attitude is attractive and makes others feel they can trust and rely on me.

Recently, there has been this theme surrounding cruel humor. What is my style of humor IRL vs. my Internet humor? My IRL humor is pun’erific and often observational. But also in my real social life, I don’t have dickheads trying to ego banter with me. The Internet is how I behave when I’m by myself in a crowd of unhelpful people that not only don’t want to respect me as an individual, but want to find some way to knock me down a few notches just about whenever I express myself.

I’ll tease friends that tease me, but that is done within a certain safety where a relationship has been established. On the Internet where niceness is being mute, standing out requires a certain about of thick skin that can go back and forth with others that want to not just prove I am wrong, but also prove that I lack appropriate intelligence for the conversations we are engaging in.

While I do love dark and blue comedy and will at times find myself speaking in such a way, most times I tend to be more reserved. I make the friends I have by being actually helpful in their lives, both as an outlet for recreation and as a person that can help with the small stuff. I can at times make plenty of jokes, but that isn’t who I am. I am not a comedian performing in real life.

On the Internet, perhaps I am a performer. I do tend towards a type of humor because I feel it is funny not just for me, but perhaps funny to others. Sometimes my sides are splitting when I write stuff. Perhaps friends matter less with the Internet. Perhaps what I’m wanting are readers and participants rather than friends on the Internet? I guess it is all part of being awesome.

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